I would like to preface this article by clarifying that I am not usually that guy that complains everything is wrong with our generation; usually, I am the first defender of the 21st Century teen.
However, today I’m going to be that guy, and I’m going to do it with my chest, I just thought you should you know.
A Continuous Cycle:
I know it’s that time of year because ’I’ve been seeing anticipatory posts since New Year’s Day, funnily enough, these ‘men are dogs’ posts have seemed to disintegrate into thin air as Valentine’s Day approaches, how convenient.
Anyway, I eagerly await the comical scenes that will permeate social media on that day because I know I will not be partaking in it.
Valentine, Valentine’s is coming ooooh Valentine.
I look forward to the yearly last minute Valentine daters who got together out of boredom or for fear of being left out; the girls in sweatpants, with their hair tied up whilst eating Chinese because no one claimed them; the boys roped into taking out their side chick to keep it looking official.
Sometimes I can’t even watch as I notice:
The playboys and playgirls who are currently debating how they are going to manage their football team of lovers and decide who gets to wear the captain’s armband for the day; the individuals doing the most with the aims of doing the dirty (that shall not be named); and the people soon to break up because of a Valentine’s argument or a lack of effort.
Last but not least, my personal favourite, the “My boyfriend took me to the Shard and bought me Louboutins” brigade but I won’t even begin to go in on that one. So actually, you know what, I’ll probably just sleep through until the 15th.
Social Media And It’s Impact:
So let’s get into the fundamental issues of the day and how we can address it (Please note I will be making sweeping generalisations, that is a given when discussing topics like this).
Why is the day more about showing others how much you’re loved rather than actually showing love?
Why must Snap chat and Instagram know what he got you or see the date? Why must everyone compete about how much their significant other loves them?
As I said in my last article on this platform, so much of life is about staying in your own lane.
I’ve been seeing a lot of:
“if he takes you to Nandos he doesn’t love you etc.”
suggesting to me that love can be valued in monetary amounts.
This is everything wrong with the day, much of modern day Holidays and Celebrations and society in general.
The holiday has been incredibly commercialised and due to herd mentality we all blindly buy into it, whilst companies profit from your insecurities. Due to social media etc. everything is increasingly public and so are our relationships.
It follows that we get individuals doing the most on Valentine’s Day so as to not to betray the social norm and look like they don’t love each other.
The Day seems to be more about convincing yourself and your social circle, that you love your partner more than any of the other couples.
Whilst the world is becoming increasingly competitive, the area of love should not be one of them.
The point of the day ultimately, and obviously, is love.
It is about feeling loved – giving of yourself, sacrifice and the feeling of wholeness with your partner.
Love is a commitment to the very best wellbeing of another person, even equally or above yourself.
This has nothing to do with how anyone else but you and your partner feels.
Sacrifice is not measured by how much you give but what it costs you. What if you date someone with lots of money and they are throwing it at you — does it mean anything if the money means nothing to him anyway?
Similarly, someone who doesn’t have anything to give you but themselves, that has value and sacrifice.
Unfortunately, an outpouring of one’s heart and very essence cannot be publicised in the same way a Chanel Bag can.
Indeed, money and gifts can be a sign of sacrifice but reliance on the financial will not cover up the emotional issues, lack of trust or communication.
Ultimately, some of you are just going to a hotel to do the same madness you do at home and when summer comes around and everyone wants to be free will you all still be together?
A trivial Valentine’s Day is fine if you’re celebrating lust but if we want the Day to really mean love we have to operate at a higher standard. The Day shouldn’t even be a special day, as unrealistic as it is, you should be trying to give your all daily.
In closing, a note specifically for the girls, and yes I am a male so I’m biased, but I wish to highlight a less discussed area of valentines. Valentine’s seems to be a female-centric day. I’m just not seeing many boys posting about it or excited for dinner or flowers, chocolates, teddy bear etc…. For all its controversy Bkchat may be onto something here when they present the inequality within the dating sphere.
Whilst women’s oppression is a very real issue there are times where equality is held up as an ideal when it is convenient. Gender pay gap aside, if both parties are working, you probably earn the same amount.
So why is it most likely that the male will pay out for the Day?
It is the guy who is tasked with the futile mission of fulfilling every impossible expectation that the girl has cradled in her mind since childhood due to Hollywood romance movies.
In relationships in general, from the moment of meeting a girl, why must boys spoil their girl and constantly prove themselves to them since women claim ‘equality and independence’.
Seem to be getting a better deal really… If you really want to show your love, seeing as this is the point of the day, flip the roles and surprise your man. Think about what expectations he has if you really want brownie points and see how impressed he is.
Let’s rethink all are assumptions and expectations about love and the Day itself before we rush into anything.
If you’re not happy with the article then I’ve done my job. I want you to be challenged and I hope this sparks thought and discussion!