The Spirit of Bae (a fear of being single) | By Tanya Chinowaita [@tanyaxmaxine]

The Spirit of Bae??Funny title? Yep, but it’s REAL!

If you ever found yourself saying: “I need a boyfriend to keep me warm,” “it’s cuffing season where’s my man” or even repeating “men are trash” day in and day out, you have The Spirit of Bae.

It lingers in the most innocent of hearts; keeps you awake at night.

Imagining your wedding day with that guy that commented “??” on your Instagram post, picturing the wedding ring your non-existent boyfriend will give you one day.
The Spirit of Bae will catch you mostly at night, when you’re laying in bed thinking “hmmm I wish I had bae to snuggle with now, if only I could call my man now” this has to stop.

Yes this happens to everyone once in a while but don’t allow it to consume you to the point of unwillingness to be joyful because you are single.

Seeing Is Believing:

We are in trying times girls! The only thing we find ourselves constantly in thought of is how much we deserve to be in a relationship.

We see couples everywhere; on twitter we see those 2 minute flipagrams, on Instagram the monthly anniversary posts and on snapchat your girl is always snapping the same Rolex covered wrist on her table at Nando’s.

Consequently, causing you to ask yourself, “what about me?”

We struggle to identify the actual reason behind why we feel this void is to be filled by a boy.

Usually, it’s just influence; you see what you don’t have and ultimately want it (in this case a relationship.) What we tend to forget is what comes with that and how that Kodak moment of perfection is actually captured.

Not All Looks As It Seems:

Remember: YOU ONLY SEE WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO SEE… I remember a friend of mine was taking Snapchats with her boyfriend, almost showing off that this was her man all over her story, but on that same night they were not happy with each other.

At all.  Don’t go looking for something when you don’t know what it consists of.

Find Solace In Your Solitude:

Finding solace in your solitude is one of the greatest things you can do.

How do you do this? Spend time getting to know yourselve (trust me many of us don’t even know ourselves yet,) go out alone, even go out looking bummy! Just learn more about yourself…

“Yeah pretty painful but I know who I am already, I just want to be loved.”

 

Always keep in mind, a boy cannot bring you happiness; he can only contribute to it.

A lot of the time seeking this ‘bae’ comes from being unhappy within yourself and not being content with yourself.

Do not underestimate the power you have to make yourself happy! Our minds are ran by us, and only us.

If there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do you no harm

How To Defeat The Spirit:

Be patient. Understand that patience isn’t how long you wait for something but how you act in that time of waiting.

When, you have standards and know what you will look for in a significant other, do not allow any boy that enters you DM’s to be a candidate; knowing fully well you are not interested and it will end badly for both parties.

Patience is knowing that something good is coming no matter how long you have to wait. So, count the good things, smile at the bad things and laugh at the pain.
Here are my top tips on how to Stay Sane Whilst Single:

1. Be productive? – “The devil makes work for idle hands.” Fill your time with things that have substance. Read a book you like, listen to some new music, watch movies, get out the house! No more scrolling through “couples goals” on Tumblr, please.
2. Take time? – You’re not in a rush and you’re still young, you’ve still got so much time, enjoy your single season and learn how to depend on you!
3. Remember? – What is yours will never pass you by. Don’t focus on what should come but find peace in what will eventually arrive.
4. If everyone else is doing it, it doesn’t mean you should aswell?- You were made different for a reason, if gang is all coupled up and you’re not, don’t feel angry or bitter. Instead, work on yourself and just be happy for others.
5. Don’t settle?- Anything less than you deserve causes you to compromise your standards and eventually you will try to change the person you’ve settled for; who wasn’t always great for the other person in the end.
6. And if all else fails… Pour Coconut oil on it ? *inserts coconut emoji which I cannot find*

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