Who is she to you? This is a question that changed and shaped my life I would pretty much say forever. I still remember everything about that day, who asked it, where it was asked, even when it was asked.
I remember the distinct feeling of rage in my head when my answer turned out to be insufficient causing headache for my life that would have definitely been avoided had the question not been asked.
School Boy Errors:
This was in my sixth form canteen and it was asked by her best friend during a lunch break.
I’m pretty sure my answer was something along the lines of: “we are just talking”, this as I said turned out to be insufficient so it was then “is she your girl” to which I responded “no”.
If I’m going to be honest this was not even something that I had even considered yet with the person in question. At this point I didn’t realise how monumental just this little encounter was going to be for my life in general; but long story short within 24 hours she was my girl and I was in a relationship.
A Blissful Curse :
Like I said this was not even something that I was thinking about.
In hindsight this was the wrong thing for me to have done.
Not because of the person that I got into the relationship with, I’d say more because of the fact that I know now that at the time, all of my intentions weren’t pure because of what I have been conditioned to think that relationships are.
Recently I had a conversation with someone about relationships and they told me that the reason that they felt that relationships wasn’t for them is because their faith is too strong to make them do any of the things that made a relationship.
I asked her what she thought those things were and as you can probably guess it was all to do with the intimacy that is frequent in a relationship.
This took me straight back to the time of the start of that relationship that I was in.
I got into a relationship with someone that I didn’t know.
The early stages of it were us learning each other as new people, it was what we were doing before but something had changed and I know now that it was all because of that title that we possessed.
Not just this but the way that we interacted around each other and the way that I viewed her had changed overnight but what really was ridiculous about all of this is that all of this had changed but I had no deeper understanding or knowledge of this girl.
Like I said, intentions were impure, and when I was asked the question of who she was in the earlier stages of the relationship the answer to that question could change 4 times in a day dependent on the person asking; is this something that I’m proud of… no not at all, but did I think that this was something that was acceptable at the time… yes.
The Male vs Female Mindset:
When reading the original article one part of the article that I could relate to in particular was this:
Much of our generation seems to think that through a title, feelings and affection will be increased, and having someone to take you out and claim you as your own is somehow a fulfilment or achievement.
It is not I assure you.
As much as I love to see young love and relationships, the nature of a title can create unnecessary arguments and unwarranted stress for both people.
It was at this point that I realised that the best friend was really just acting as to protect her best friend, being someone that didn’t have the best of reputations it is something which I now understand completely.
By asking me these questions I know that feelings and levels of displayed affection did rise at a rate much quicker than if she hadn’t asked. The danger with these titles is to me not the title itself but all of the expectation that comes with it.
A Title Does Not Equal A Bond
We are told that we need these titles in order for certain things to be deemed as acceptable but really and truly it’s just watering down the actual purpose and significance of the titles themselves.
The titles allow external factors to interfere and manipulate situations that should be very personal, they can make you treat people and allow you to be treated by standards that aren’t even your own.
At times I can admit there was particular things that I did in order for it to be perceived as if I was doing enough; there were also times I did things for the approval of others AS WELL AS the approval of my girlfriend.
This is something that I felt came back to haunt me later as the relationship came towards an ending.
Do I have negative thoughts to the friend asking me the question? No I don’t have any at all it made me a lot more serious in regards to my ex.
Did I regret the fact that I was rushed into a relationship? No, it was a period of my life where I learnt a lot about myself and a lot in general in regards to my general attitude to life. Do I regret the fact we had the title? No, because of the person I was with I was proud of the title every day.
What I do know though is that the weighting that I put onto titles affected a lot of the things I did in a relationship and everyone should very carefully know what these titles mean before they start giving them out
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